When I was asked to write my story I thought to myself that I really do not have a story,  I am just an anxious person,  I just worry a lot.  However, when I sat down and started writing I realized I did have a story, a journey that I went through to get to where I am today.

It all started when I was in high school and was in a car accident with some friends.  It scared me terribly although no one was hurt.  I became fearful in cars, but did not think much of it.  I just worried and felt uptight when I got into a car as a passenger. Fast forward ten years and I was driving home from work  and suddenly I felt as though I couldn’t breathe and thought I was going to die and had no idea what was happening to me.  I ended up going to the emergency room where I was told that everything was fine and there was nothing wrong with me.  Life went on although I felt miserable much of the time, but managed to get through each day feeling a little better over time.  I got to the point where I managed daily, but never really felt at peace and not a day went by where anxiety was not my constant companion.  Feelings of breathlessness, feelings of unreality, trembling and feeling like I was going to lose control.  Worried constantly about what people were thinking and feeling about me.  However, I had children and a wonderful husband so life was still good.  Although I did not always share all, if any, of my feelings with anyone.  Everybody thought I had it all and had nothing to feel anxious about.  Life went on and I kept busy being the best wife and mother I could be.

Fast forward again to my late forties and another episode came crashing down on me.  My youngest child had just left for college and I was facing the empty nest syndrome and really started to question my identity in life.  For this episode I was sitting on the couch watching American Idol and suddenly I just felt weird and panicky.  I thought I would have to go to the emergency room but I was able to calm down and tell myself that it was just a panic attack.  However, I really started to experience many symptoms in the weeks to come.  I had constant heart palpitations, hot flushes, trembling and shaking, and difficulty breathing.  I experienced muscle aches, neck pain and constant worry and dread daily.  I worried about high blood pressure and heart disease.  Again, I went to the doctors only to be told I was fine.  However, this time I was given a prescription for Xanax which I was scared to death to take.  

I decided I am not going to live like this anymore.  Yes, life was changing.  My dad had just passed away after a long battle with cancer.  I helped take care of him and my youngest son left for college.  I felt sad and afraid with feelings that I just could not identify.  Again, although I had a job working with special needs children and I was a wife and mother I felt as though I wasn’t sure of my purpose in life.  I knew I did not want to feel this way any more and wanted to investigate how I could feel better and what I wanted to do to feel better.  I was no longer just going to learn to live with this.  

I came across Dr. Pravel’s website and placed a call right away.  The journey continues but in the direction of resolution and not complacency.  You see, I was just surviving and feeling awful in the mean time.  I knew I had and could feel better.  Work was becoming a struggle and anxiety again was my constant companion.  I always thought of myself as a happy person who loved life.  I had a wonderful family and a wonderful big extended family.  I wanted to feel happy and in control again.  

Let the sessions begin with Dr. Pravel.  I had gone to another therapist who was wonderful, but did not specialize in anxiety.  Although she helped, she did not get to the root of the problem and guide me towards understanding the anxiety cycle.  I went to see Dr. Pravel once a week and listened to his CD’s daily.  I really identified with all of the information in the CDs. They could not have described me better than if I would have written and recited the CDs myself.  I realized through weekly sessions that I was afraid of all the physical sensations as I made them into more than they were.  I began the fear of fear cycle.  At times,  I was not even sure I knew what I was fearful of or what I was feeling.  However, I did know that some of the fear came from being in hospitals as I experienced the death of two close family members.  My mom who I am very close to almost died as well right after these deaths.  All this death happened in an eighteen month span and it was more than I could handle.  I also was in the midst of many hormonal changes which didn’t help things.  I thought I was handling everything just fine, but my body and mind thought otherwise, causing many days and nights filled with anxiety.  I was always the “go to girl” with family and friends so I was feeling the pressure.

In my weekly sessions I learned to identify my “REAL FEELINGS” and that I needed to get in touch with my real emotions.  I learned I actually was more comfortable feeling anxious than I was feeling sad or angry.  I always wanted to be strong and tough. Dr. Pravel taught me to identify what I was feeling.  At times I worried more about the physical sensations I was having when I should have been thinking about the issues at hand.  For example, when my mom was dying I worried more about my heart palpitations than my mom dying.  I also learned through these sessions that I have a worry habit. It became just a habit to react to life circumstances with anxiety. I needed to learn about authentic emotions.  I learned to speak of anger and sadness, that it was OK to feel these emotions.  

As time went on and I learned to identify my authentic emotions the physical sensations and symptoms appeared less and less.  I started to feel more in control.  

My journey continues as Dr. Pravel says I expect too much too fast – one of my biggest problems.  You truly need to look at it as a journey and know you can and will feel better.  I still at times struggle with thoughts and feelings of anxiety, but it does not have the hold on me that it had throughout my earlier years.  I also know that as my journey continues I will feel better and stronger every day until one day I no longer think of anxiety daily or I only think of it in the moments that it is normal and necessary. – Patty

Clinical Summary

Patty began therapy with me shortly after the recent deaths of 2 family members and her mother’s close brush with death – all of which aggravated her fear of her own mortality. But like most people with an anxiety disorder, she was no stranger to anxiety. Her mother had a history of anxiety which predisposed Patty for it by genetics and/or modeling. Patty had her first episode of anxiety as a teenager when she began to fear travel by car after a relatively minor auto accident with friends. Several years later she had a panic attack while driving and thus began her dread fear of the physical sensations that accompany anxiety. She began to fear the palpitations, chest pains and trembling that were manifestations of her anxiety. Like most people with anxiety, those symptoms became the thing she most feared, and feared they were potentially life threatening. Any situation that could cause those sensations, for example exercise or medical appointments, could trigger her anxiety. Constant vigilance of physical sensations, avoidance of triggers for those sensations, and preoccupation with it all came to negatively effect her entire life. At our first meeting she said she longed for the time when she can go through a whole day without a single thought about anxiety – a goal that felt unachievable to her then.

Well, by her hard work in therapy, by coming to understand the basic cognitive principles about anxiety, and doing the behavioral work, Patty now has days without a thought about anxiety. This is not everyday, but becoming more frequent. 

Patty is the type of person people look up to, is their “rock”, and is someone that people genuinely like and like to be around as she is a generally delightful and pleasant person. As her anxiety is almost all gone, her mood is much brighter and she is much more positive about life. She can now feel inside how she makes others feel – positive and happy.

While Patty is done with most of the therapy to overcome anxiety, she continues monthly sessions to help her continue to strengthen her anxiety mastery skills and better manage other emotions. She is at the end stage of therapy where the work is largely about learning to more accurately identify authentic emotions over life events and issues because improperly identifying and managing emotions can produce anxiety. By strengthening her skill in managing original emotions, she avoids producing the scary thoughts, frightening sensations and fearful emotions that are anxiety.

Good work Patty.