I have had some very productive sessions recently that clearly illustrate the importance and power of accurate Step 1 work – that is, “Labeling” negative thoughts or feelings one is experiencing – and labeling them accurately. For example: one client last week spoke of an episode of anxiety that she feared could escalate into a panic attack. She used the 1-2-3 Method to deal with it with a certain degree of benefit, and although she was able to bring the anxiety down and avoid a panic attack, she still didn’t feel she fully understood the reason for the anxiety. I explored the events of the day and she stated she was attempting to go visit her mother who is feeling very emotionally dependent on my client for her happiness. Several small situations arose that were delaying her getting to her mother’s home resulting in a build up of anxiety and fear of a panic. I helped her identify her frustration and anger with the delays but also her anger over her mother’s expectations – and demands – of my client to spend time with her and take care of her emotional needs. When she was able to more accurately identify and clarify the proper nature, and label, of her emotional distress – she was empowered to more effectively deal with the real feeling and the real issue. The real issue here being her over developed sense of responsibility for her mom’s happiness and loneliness since divorcing the clients father. She recognized the actual distressing emotion she was struggling with was her resentment for the sense of responsibility mom was putting on her which made her that much more distressed when she was not able to get to mom’s house within the time frame mom wanted/required. By more clearly identifying the original negative feeling as resentment, she was able to more accurately proceed to talk back to that sense of responsibility as part of her Step 2 work which then helped her with Step 3 work of letting go of some of her sense of responsibility for mom’s emotional state. Her real issue was not anxiety – it was resentment.
If you’re having negative thoughts, here is something you can do immediately to help you neutralize the distressful experience you may be having:
1. Talk to yourself
When you are aware of an anxious feeling or anxious thought – talk to yourself – consciously in your head or out loud if possible – so that you have a clear thought about the fearful thought.
2. Label The Negative thoughtS
Tell yourself that you are having an anxious or fearful thought – that “labels” it. Just recognizing the thought and identifying it is already changing your brain activity as it’s activating a new neural circuit – one that thinks rationally about the irrational thought.
Negative thoughts
